Things this week that have made me unnecessary sad but can fuck right off

1. My diabetes

Stupid I know. It is my fault that it has been so poorly managed recently but as I said in a previous post I am having my “why is it happening to me” phase now. My doctor was sympathetic and very nice about it but she did point out it could be much much worse – I could have other illnesses on top of this that could be extremely debilitating or life-limiting. I am thankful that it is *just* diabetes. However this doesn’t change the fact that I have to carry out the work of an organ that most people don’t have to think about and my foot will fall off if I carry on the way I am now (my last HbA1c percentage was awful >.<) and I felt really bad for feeling so sick of it when I know a lot of people have it far worse than me. Thank you doctor. She has arranged for me to be seen by a psychologist to help me manage it better with my mood swings and potentially reintroduce me to antidepressants. YAY. Though I do need to get better at this I would still like to be able to wear shoes.

2. University

I have some lovely friends on my course who I will be living with next year but I can’t help but feel like everyone else finds me incredibly annoying. I think they see me as the thick one who doesn’t try. I do. I really really do. Unlike you, I know what it’s like to fail exams repeatedly even when you’re trying your hardest to ensure that you get a half-decent grade. I have a mind like a sieve so I have to do a lot more work than you guys to retain information. Please don’t think I’m lazy.

I also feel like the friends I made last year don’t have the same enthusiasm I do to remain friends when I leave. I have to move to another house because of my placement year and won’t be living in the city any more.  I don’t feel they make the same effort (sounds a bit like I’m hard work I’m not always I promise) as they did last year with me. I don’t get invited out with them, I don’t even have much conversation with them. I don’t want to be left out next year but I feel like our relationship now is just a taster of what’s to come next year – we’ll have nothing to do with each other. I don’t want that. I can still visit on weekends (I very  much doubt they’ll venture into the countryside just to see me!) and I’ll (hopefully) still be with my boyfriend who is living with them!

3. My head still isn’t well. That is all.

I sound like such a typical whiney girl.